Tag Archives: Quarter life crisis

Resolutions, Part 2

I have a bit of a personal ritual around the New Year. Not only do I celebrate my 8th anniversary of marriage to my husband on the 30th, but the new year also symbolizes a time to stop and reflect on the year I’ve had and the goals I want for the future.

I can say, without a doubt, that 2016 has been a steaming dump of a year. There were a few highlights, undoubtedly, like the weddings of a couple of my best friends, an awesomely extravagant vacation, and adulting successfully by doing something called buying a car. And while all these events are wonderful, it cannot overshadow the festering, stinking dumpster fire this year has been since the beginning.

Four more days, friends. Four more. But what, oh what, does 2017 hold?

That, readers, is questionable. If, like me, you have harbored extreme resentment and a little bitterness since the election, you, like me, are probably approaching the new year with apprehension. Uncertainty. Even disappointment.

Trust me, reader, I sympathize.

And that brings me to my resolution for 2017. I only have one this year, but I think it’s going to be important if I ever want to leave this rut and keep moving forward.

My 2017 resolution is simply this: To stop being afraid and live the life I want for myself.

I know you’re probably like, c’mon Chels, that’s so vague and idealistic. You can’t accomplish that. You can’t measure that.

None of that really matters to me.

What matters to me is the world seems to be falling apart at the seams, and if I let it, it will drag me down with it.

I refuse to let that happen.

I refuse to be afraid of circumstances out of my control.

I refuse to stay stuck out of comfort and fear of change.

I refuse to sit for another miserable year and end up the same unsatisfied human I seem to always be reflecting on the past year, and moving into a new one.

Attempting to find a job in Japan has given me renewed desire and perspective. A goal to work toward. Something I have wanted for a very long time but have been too fearful to pursue. Will it happen soon? Maybe. Will it happen under the circumstances in which I want it? Doubtful. Will it solve all of my woes? Certainly not.

But will it happen? Most definitely.

It can’t be any worse than sitting and waiting for change to come to me.

I’m so tired of waiting.

 

And so, I face 2017 with little fear and increased optimism.

 

2017 just better be ready for me.

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Working through my Quarter-Life Crisis: Step One: Admitting who I am, what I like, and what I hate about myself.

Who Am I?

Chelsea Rose

Corn-fed American Midwestern Girl minus the Jesusing

Liberal as hell

Weird/Different

Leader

Opinionated

Intense

Gives all

Independent

Witty

Humorous

Quick thinking

Cynical

Sarcastic

Realist

Wife

Animal Lover

Dreamer

Writer

Reader

Eccentric

Obsessive

Overthinker

Anxious

Escapist/Seeks ways out of reality 

 

Things I like about myself:

Sense of humor

Weird

Resilience

Determination

Independence

Straight forward

No bullshit

Loves hard

Ambivert

Reader

Analyzer

Objective thinker

Good Communicator

Writer

 

Things I dislike about myself:

ANXIOUS

Overthinker

Overly critical

Loudmouthed

Too free with opinions

Too much of a people-pleaser

Can sometimes be a doormat

Lies to save face (why)

Bad with money

Bad with communicating emotions

Passive aggressive

Unprofessional

Poor time management

Ghoster friend

Cynical/ Finds the worst in almost everything

Glass half-empty thinking

Jealous/Compares too much to others

Attention Seeking

Selfish

What I notice: 

Reflecting on this list immediately after writing it I realize that — as is typical for me — it’s way easier for me to vocalize everything I hate about myself than it is for me to pin down even ten things I honestly like about who I am. There is so much I would change about my personality if I could, yet I know there are people who genuinely enjoy my brand of crazy.

As they say, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. So there it is. There I am. Summed up by 26 letters in random order.

If you’re like me, on the verge of another birthday and feeling completely lost, just know:

You

Are

Not

Alone.

Almost 28

Crisis mode.

I recently learned there’s a term for this:

Aptly called,

The Quarter Life Crisis.

Perpetually somewhere between a kid & a “real” adult

 

And

Intense depression

Despair

Feeling stuck

Being disrespected

Unsure of what is next

Scared to move, yet panicked to stay

 

What if I regret change later?

What if it doesn’t make me happier?

What if?

What if?

What if?

 

What if…..

I sit here forever in a state of indecision?

What if…..

I waste my life waiting for the opportune time?

What if…..

I just don’t know how to get what I really want?

What if…..

I’m just petrified by the idea of taking a chance?

 

Already depressed.

Already unhappy.

Already stuck.

Already disrespected.

 

What could be worse?

 

I don’t know.

And that’s why I’m here,

In crisis mode.

At almost 28.