English has words for all kinds of emotions I never knew existed.
Sometimes you just can’t know until it’s happened to you.
Vorfreude, to me is:
If you’ve ever had a quarter or mid-life crisis you know your brain can tell you to do strange things.
Like quit your job and leave the country.
Let me explain.
It started with the election.
I was — pretty mad (I am still mad, for the record). What the actual hell America?
Being a completely irrational human being I decided to only way to combat my anger was to leave.
Actually leave the country.
(I tend to run from my problems)
So on a whim I applied for some jobs overseas.
Well — one of those jobs overseas panned out.
In January, just over a month from my 28th birthday — I interviewed for a job in Japan.
just a week shy of my 28th birthday,
I accepted the job.
A nervous, anxious, excited ball of energy I resigned from my teaching job.
A job I really wanted to love, but couldn’t.
A job I really could’ve loved, but was ruined for me by things out of my control.
This was February.
Since February I have been anxiously preparing my language skills, eating techniques, mannerisms.
Since February I have anxiously waited for details on my arrival.
Still — I wait.
With every ring and ding, my heart skips a beat.
Wondering if this might be the call.
The one that tells me when and where.
I wait, ever more anxiously,
wondering when I’ll leave my home, friends, and beloved dogs.
If you’ve ever done something crazy like decided to move halfway around the world,
you too know the feeling.
It is indescribable.
Alas….I still wait.