It’s been awhile, but I’ve been thinking a lot about something that I need to vocalize to fully understand. It’s a life event that for so many seems like a natural next step.
Having a baby (can’t relate).
It fundamentally changes people (can’t relate).
Everything becomes about “the baby.” (can’t relate) .
All they want to talk about is “the baby.” (can’t relate).
I think it’s easy to see a pattern. The reason this has been weighing on my mind is because I spent a good chunk of last year feeling lonely and isolated. I spent a great deal of energy trying to connect with old friends and make new ones. I’ve (now) accepted that my circle is small and friends come and go. It is what it is. I have to roll with life’s punches and while it’s hard to lose people, it’s part of the human experience.
Then I realized the cause of this apparent gap between myself and others my age. Children.
As someone who has never wanted kids or had any desire to procreate, I fundamentally can’t relate to so many of my friends whom have recently become parents. Couple that with the fact that I don’t really like infants or toddlers, well, you get the idea (can’t relate). I’ve met two babies in my life I honestly enjoy being around. One was my baby brother. The other is my best friend’s kid. The rest — I don’t really care for.
This will come off as offensive/rude to some, but I need to say it: I don’t want to talk about your kid. I don’t want to know about your kid’s poop. I don’t care about how “special” your pediatrician says your kid is for reaching basic developmental milestones. I don’t care about your chalkboard updates, baby bump pictures, or gender reveals. I just can’t relate.
When I’m with you, I want to have adult conversations. I want to know how YOU are (not your kid). I want to spend time with YOU (not your kid). I want to talk to you about current events, and laugh, and curse, and cry — but I don’t want to talk about your kid.
Sure, it’s a fundamental part of your life and identity now, and I can understand that. But no amount of society’s insistence can, or will, change my mind.
I just — can’t relate.