Do you ever have those days when you feel like you were born in the wrong century?
Among my many ongoing existential crises is the feeling that I was simply born in the wrong place at the wrong time.
My favorite pastime is trying to escape this place — mentally, because I really can’t escape physically.
I know, I know, “but you’re going to Japan!” you’ll say.
“What a grand adventure!” you’ll say.
And you’re right, it will be grand.
For a bit.
And then I’ll find myself bored
I was not meant for this time we live in.
This time when everything to be discovered has been discovered.
I should’ve been born in the 16th century when European settlers took grand adventures to new places all over the globe.
I should’ve been born a few centuries in the future….
Where the universe is an open playground.
I was born to explore.
To seek new experiences and new places.
To find new flora and fauna.
To learn from places and things yet unknown.
I live in a time when the world has been discovered more than once over,
And we are not yet at the grand age of exploring our galaxy and beyond.
Born in the wrong century.
On the wrong planet, perhaps.
Each night I look at the stars and think about what I would give to go there
(yes, I would literally walk away from my entire life for the chance to be a space pioneer).
And it always comes around to the same thought
Sadly what I want I can never achieve in this lifetime.
But perhaps I could in the next.
And for that recurring thought (among many others)
I can only attribute
That I am really alien….
Not in the sense that I am not human.
But in the sense that I don’t think like most humans.
Or behave like most humans.
I’m just too odd to have landed here on purpose.
I just know I belong somewhere else,
In a home I can’t name.
In a home I will never see.
Somewhere among the gas giants and colorful nebulas,
It’s out there.
But it will be centuries before I make it.
Note: Of all the complexity of my feelings this is one of the hardest for me to vocalize. The human experience is deeply unique to the individual and this one of those things that’s hard for anyone to understand. And yes, I know I’m crazy, but I do hope you continue to read my strange ramblings — at the very least you can relish in the fact that you’re not as insane as I am. 🙂